Have you been single for a while and are feeling a bit fed up with love? Don’t be!
Even though you might sometimes find yourself feeling lonely or stigmatised by your single status when comparing yourself to your loved-up friends, there are actually lots of benefits to being single.
And counting down the days until your next date is not a healthy way to live.
Even if you feel a bit disheartened about not having found your mate, being single for a long time is not necessarily a bad thing. Actually, it can be a really good thing for your quality of life, mental health, and confidence. Being single for a long time can also help you focus on what type of person will make you truly happy, and improve your relationships in the long run.
Here are some ways to help you cope with long periods of being alone. Make the most of being single and get out of your relationship rut.
Reassess your romantic life
Does being single really spell the end of your romantic life? No! You can have love and romance in your life, and be single. Don’t think that being single means you can’t appreciate and experience romance.
Watch romantic movies, listen to romantic songs, write love letters, and go on dates where you can. Reminisce and fantasise if it makes you feel good.
Don’t hide away from romantic relationships — be open to them, but try not to obsess over what you don’t have right now.
Think about relationships in a different way by reassessing your life. Why is a relationship the defining characteristic to judge yourself by? Does your relationship status really define you? Try to set yourself free from limiting beliefs about being single.
Set goals that are NOT about finding a relationship. Have other things and milestones to work towards and get excited about — like learning how to paint, re-doing your garage, or becoming better at yoga.
Goal-setting is a great way to get more out of life, both personally and professionally. When you’re single, you have time to set goals — so make the most of it. Keep a goal journal to keep yourself motivated.
Being single means being alone, yes, but it also means being able to focus on yourself. Take this time to reach career and personal goals without the distraction of a romantic partner.
Find your true source
Laurie from She Blossoms highlights the importance of letting go of the idea that a relationship is really the ultimate source of peace and happiness.
The more you think about it, the more crazy it seems that we search for ultimate meaning in our own lives in other people. How bizarre is it that we seek self-enlightenment from others, without stopping to search for it in ourselves?
By letting go of the idea that a partner is what you need to make you ‘happy’, you will find that your life alone will have more meaning and color.
One of Laurie’s suggestions is to commit to a daily search for joy and meaning, rather than being obsessed with a fruitless quest for happiness. Practical changes like disconnecting from Facebook can make you feel better.
Invest in friendship
Friendship can be a very powerful emotional bond, often more long-lasting than romantic love.
Invest in your friends and family and show them your love and appreciation. Make the most of being single by being there for your friends. Host a dinner party, invite people round for the weekend, or go on a vacation with your old college buddies.
If anything is bothering you, share the load with your friends. Spending time with friends is great for your morale and mental health. Especially if you’re trying to get over someone, friends are worth their weight in gold. Talk things over with them to get some perspective.
Go on adventures
Traveling or doing something new alone is an empowering experience, but you can also travel with friends, family, or join a group of like-minded people. The main thing is to have adventures and be out there in the world. Go on that scuba diving course you’ve always been a bit scared to do, or go to Italy to see Florence.
Going on adventures can be part of you living up to your true potential — something that people sometimes struggle with. Not giving into fear, getting out of your comfort zone, and creating actionable goals are all things you should be doing if you want to reach your true potential.
Dealing with days like Valentine’s Day can be as simple as starting your day with something special — take the same attitude when it comes to other holidays and vacations. Make your own special memories and traditions.
Review what you attract and why
Think about your dating past and the people you have attracted (or been attracted to). Are you really ready and open for the right kind of love? Have you got unhelpful ‘settings’ that are stopping you from being in a committed relationship?
Review your past relationships with an open mind. Don’t judge yourself, but try to learn from any mistakes and patterns you’re seeing. Be open to healing from past pain and start afresh.
Love yourself better and be grateful about where you are in life. Try not to compare or wallow in regret, but embrace the current moment for what it is.
Avoid making these “toxic single declarations” about who you are and what you’re worth. Your identity shouldn’t be wrapped up in your relationship status.
Focus on what you do have, rather than what you don’t have. Don’t give up on love and become cynical. Putting up barriers will make finding love and fulfilment so much harder.
Give love a chance
Bolde.com makes some good points about why some people are single. From shouting about how you won’t settle to not giving anyone a chance, there are certain behaviors and traits that can be damaging and stop you from finding a mate.
It’s not about lowering your standards to ‘anything goes’ and compromising on your self-worth, but about not putting up unhelpful barriers to love and other people.
Think about whether you’re really being fair when assessing potential romantic partners. Are you being realistic? Are you looking for something that doesn’t really exist?
Unrealistic expectations can make searching for love a very disappointing experience indeed.
See the funny side
Don’t always take being single so seriously. It can be refreshing from time to time to see the funny side of being single, and drop the whole ‘why can’t I find somebody’ mantra.
Take fun single quizzes and embrace your single status with verve and enthusiasm. Embrace who you are and you will find yourself eventually attracting the right sort of person…
Being single can be a great thing. Embrace your singlehood and make the most of it. Take this time to explore and develop yourself as a person.